


me, but happy

by angelsprunch



Series: song based fics [9]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, and also, but there's also some, it mentions stan's death, why is there not a tag for these two yet ??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 01:47:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12694512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsprunch/pseuds/angelsprunch
Summary: stan wants to thank mike for all that he's done.





	me, but happy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [me, but happy](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/338043) by Neil Hilborn. 



> don't let the title fool yall, this isn't happy

On a good day, Stan was overly affectionate with Mike. On a good day he may give Richie a high five if his joke was _really_ good. Good days would come with Stan letting Beverly play with his hair and get it all out of it’s perfect order and being the first one to jump into the quarry just to show his friends that he was braver. He would sit with Ben while he wrote poetry or ride bikes with Bill on good days. Good days were few and far between, though, and Mike seemed to get a front row seat for most of the good days because he saw his boyfriend more than the others. Sometimes bad days would turn into good days when he was on the farm with Mike. As dirty as it was, he was beside his boyfriend and everything felt like it would be okay. With Mike by his side, Stan was no longer worried about the germs crawling under his skin or the hay sticking to his clothes. After a series of bad days, Stan sat down to write a letter to Mike. He wanted the letter to force a good day upon him and he wanted it to make Mike’s days even better.

 

_ Dear Mike, _

 

_ I want to thank you for making me feel like I’m on top of the world. You have this electricity when I’m around you and it never fails to make me smile. I want to thank you for making all of those cheesy songs that Richie and Eddie sing together mean something to me, again. I still roll my eyes when they sing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, but I roll my eyes while lip syncing. The best part about being in love with you is that I never feel like I have to speak, but oh boy do I want to. You’re the best thing that has happened to me since I was… born.  You make me want to do silly, pointless things like dancing or washing your laundry. Oh my god, you have to wash your laundry. I’m just kidding. Ignore that line. In a list of things that I love about you, maybe the second or third entry is the way you turn my awful days into awful days with sheep. You know that feeling when you’re in the air as you fall down to the quarry? That weightlessness and pure joy is basically what it’s like to hang out with you. I’ve never made out with God, but I imagine that’s kind of like holding your hand. If I had a cold it would be okay because I’d have a cold with you. I would like to thank you for never, not once, not ever making fun of me for crying while I watch Stand By Me. for the millionth time. I want to thank you for letting me fall in love with you and then decide to join Richie’s pop punk band. I want to thank you for sitting with me while we watch birds and at least pretending to be interested when I recite the names.  _

 

_ I always try to act cool or be cool or whatever but it’s so goddamn hard when you’re so amazing all the time. The new way to say ‘I love you’ is to just ram our foreheads together. We can’t really be sad if we’re both sad in the same place, right? I want you to know how grateful I am for you wanting me to be me, but happy. I don’t know why we’re both here, at the same time, but let’s enjoy it. Let’s make out ‘til we’re dead. Before I met you I wanted to be dead all the time. I still do because of the, you know, mental illness and all but now that you’re here I don’t want to ‘want to die’ anymore.  _

 

_ If you were a breakfast cereal you’d be called ‘reason to wake up’os’. Sure there are probably infinite dimensions with infinite possibilities, but I’m with you in this one so why would I try to find others? _

 

_ Love, Stan. _

 

After he wrote it, Stan had to lay down on his bed and try to keep from smiling. He felt so ridiculous and cheesy, he almost wanted to not give the letter to Mike. Sure, Mike would love it but there was the possibility of the other losers finding it and holding it over his head. Still, Mike’s happiness trumped it all and Stan slid it into a crisp envelope.  _ Save for a bad day _ , was written on the front in neat, cursive handwriting. With that, Stan tucked it into his pocket and began his bike ride to Mike’s house. While Mike had known that Stan was having a rough week, he had given the boy space at his request. It was hard to stay away from Stan when Mike knew that he was struggling. Still, he was surprised when he saw Stan’s bike coming up his driveway. Mike came out on the front porch and smiled as Stan approached. A letter was then thrust into his hands and Stan made him promise that he wouldn’t open it until he needed to. That night, Stan stayed for dinner.

 

Mike didn’t need to open the letter until Stan went away for college. Their relationship managed to last through college but Mike was staying in Derry while Stan was going to Georgie for accounting. The two had sadly decided to end things because despite their love, they knew the distance wouldn’t work for the two of them. It was a tearful goodbye, but after Stan left Mike slowly started to forget. He remembered a love that he couldn’t quite describe and when he walked past the synagogue there was a feeling in his chest that he couldn’t quite place. Mike couldn’t place a name or any specific memories, though. Eventually everyone left for college and Mike forgot it all. He also forgot about the letter, so he never opened it.

 

Or, he didn’t open it until twenty seven years after the events in the sewers. The letter was opened shortly after a dinner with one empty seat. When Mike finally opened the letter, he finally cried over what he had lost.


End file.
